My Dear Old Speckled Henry,
I thought you may like to hear about the time my old cat friend Bullpuss, was in serious trouble with the
hedgerow police. Something about a missing rat personage, you’ll know how these things happen!
A court was convened and word went out that a jury would be required; naturally I kept my sensitive ears on full alert. Truce documents were prepared and quite a number of fellows stepped
Eventually a suitable jury was assembled, consisting of two pet rabbits and a wild rabbit, a couple of
hedgehogs, the poodles from the next street, a guinea pig, several long tailed field mice and Yours Truly, Vulpo the Urban Fox, although I was made to sit slightly apart from the others.
The big problem was to find a common language. Dear Old Hedgedog, ever ubiquitous, offered to translate for
anyone who didn’t understand.
Bullpuss’ Ginger Nuts pal Squimps acted as defence attorney and suggested that a character witness should be called to speak out in support of Bullpuss. I immediately leapt to his feet.
“Let me, let me!” I exclaimed, “I know the fellow well.”
Hedgedog, counsel for the prosecution, objected to this on the grounds that a chap couldn’t be both an impartial jury member and a character witness.
“Don’t worry about a thing!” I said, “allow me to introduce myself, the name’s Vulpes urbanis, but you can call me Vulpo for short. I’m both partial and impartial. I’m very partial to a chicken
dinner or even some ratatouille but whilst I’m sat here among the jury, I shall remain impartial, although I must say I’m tempted by this fine, plump fellow along here, whom I believe is a guinea pig
…. not someone I’ve met before!”
Hedgedog withdrew his objection and I continued.
“I’ve known my good friend Bullpuss for quite some time. When he was originally abandoned by his first people and had to live rough in the gardens, I was the first chap to share some survival
techniques with him. He has repaid the favours on several occasions. Once Bullpuss spotted a cast aside takeaway, dumped in a lamppost refuse bin by a full-to-bursting student.
“Bullpuss couldn’t reach up high enough but with my long front paws and pointed snout, I was able to
dislodge the treasure. What a find! – a delectable selection of succulent pieces of chicken, in a crispy coating. We dined extensively. I was so excited, I ate the carton too!”
I resumed my seat, licking my chops at the memory.
Whilst everyone was discussing the punishment, I took the opportunity to nip off with the guinea pig, on the pretext of showing him my collection of antique dinner plates!
The next day, Bullpuss, a newly freed cat, came to visit and together we polished off a delicious Old
Golden Hen to celebrate,